Behaviours: A Reflection of Our Situations

When someone is abrupt with us, we should reflect on the notion that such action might be a reflection of their current situation.

Most of us have experienced having or being in a conversation, maybe with a co-worker, an acquaintance or a friend, where they might have been a bit abrupt? After experiencing such situations, we usually end up thinking, “what was that about? Are they annoyed at me?” Because of this, we might get swept away by anxiety or anger and not see what’s really going on.

In these situations, we might end up going down one of two routes - either get anxious that they’re upset with us and think of everything that we might have done that could have upset them or them might have taken offence to, or maybe we might get annoyed and end up confronting them, throwing a coin or two into the swear jar on the way out.

Although there an alternative to getting swept away in any of these routes.

We can choose to take a step back and not get swept away by our immediate reaction by noticing the thoughts arising and listen to observe what they have to say. Then breathe and allow the thought to pass. We are seeing what feelings we might have attached to them. We might even “sit” for a few moments with such emotions as you would if you were sitting with a friend.

When we do this, we can become aware of any judgements we might be making. We might be judging our co-worker for being abrupt; we might think, “what an asshole”, especially if we don’t know them that well.

Or the opposite, we might be judging ourselves, thinking that we did something to set them off. Maybe we wish it hadn’t happened and try and shut it out of our minds, or perhaps the opposite, we obsess about the incident.

Alternatively, we can notice the behaviour and see our reaction to it. Doing this will lead to what is almost certainly the right question: “what’s going on with them?” In all likelihood, they may not even be aware of how they’re coming across to us. So knowing this, instead of reacting, we might give them and ourselves a bit of space and then later, when we more grounded, ask, “Hey, is everything ok you seem a bit on edge today?” They’ll probably be grateful for the opportunity to talk.

Of course, some people will continue to be rude and abrupt; some people might be harsh and blunt with everyone all the time. In such situations, make sure your compassion and understanding aren’t reaching the point where your wellbeing is being harmed. Nothing is more important than our internal peace.